Dudette’s Turn…

So, it’s my turn now. Not sure what to say but, here goes.

If someone would have told me 7yrs ago when we started down this path that 1. we would still be going down this path 7yrs later and 2. everyday is something really new that there is no way to prepair for what might happen next I think I might have talked Dude into fostering cats.

However, when I look at little Walters face and see that he is really starting to trust us and feel like we are family I am so glad no one did.

Today he had a visit with birth mom. I have to be honest, I dread these days. Not just because the drive sucks and we are always rushed getting there but, because the amount of egg shells I walk on is almost too much. Not because I am afraid of getting hurt but, I know that these days are stressful for Walter and I hate adding to it as I watch his little world being divided. This morning started out a bit rough so, I just figured that it would go down hill from there.

I am glad to say that I was wrong.

When I went to pick him up to head out for  the visit he was playing kick ball with a friend. He was in no hurry to leave and asked for 5 more minutes. It seemed weird. But, what was weirder was that on the way down he did not bring his birth mom up once. Usually its “My mom is going to bring me…” or ” Don’t talk to my mom. She does not like you” “My mom has…. and you don’t” But nope. Nothing. Just nice chit chat.

We chatted all the way down and waited 30min for her to show. In the mean time we had a couple of arm wresting competitions and moved on to staring competitions by the time she showed. When she got there we were staring at each other and when she came it he kept playing the game. The reason this melts my heart is that he usually  acts like I don’t exist when she gets there (I think I’d be worried if he didn’t). Nope, this time he was like “hi mom” then walked over when we where done(I lost).

BM then went on to show 4d sonograms of her baby and some “glamour” shots of her pregnant self as she ignored Walter trying to show her his pics from a field trip he went on. Then the social worker showed up and they went in for the visit.

When it was over the sw had them say good bye and bm walked out. Walter did not run after her, cry or keep kissing her. Usually we have to prie him off her. We waited a couple of moments and then left. The only thing that he said about it was “Why did you have the sw tell us that we could not walk out together?” (I will get to my issues with this sw another time)  I just told him that it was because I know he gets upset and I wanted the visit to end on a good feeling. He was fine with that.

We chatted on the way home and when we got home  he ate 4 hot dogs (no buns) 1 grill cheese san 1jello cup and juice then went to bed.

These are the moments that I can his trust in us unfolding right in front of my eyes and we are becoming a family(not bad for only knowing each other for 4 months)

I know it may seem that he might have been”playing” me against his bm. I don’t care if he was. It was a turning point and it felt good. Yes, I am petty but, when it comes to my son I want what is best for him and the best mom for him is me.

Now, I do not pretend to believe that this will last beyond this moment but, I plan to ride this wave as long as I can.

Thank you all for reading . I hope to “sub” in again.

My husband is awesome, great and wise and in no way added this line before publishing my guest blog.

xoxo,

Dudette

 

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7 Responses to Dudette’s Turn…

  1. sisterella says:

    Alison,
    So great to hear the Mom’s perspective – thanks for posting!
    I don’t think ANYONE would think you were petty for continuing to play a game with your son that he wanted to play. Petty would have been sticking your tongue out at BM after the game was over. From what I’ve read on the blog, you are absolutely the best mom for Walter and I have to believe that your patience, love and understanding will be rewarded. And yes, being a mom means riding the waves of “my kid actually likes me today” as LONG as you can because it will disappear quickly when you try to make him eat broccoli.

  2. So glad Walter had a great day and you as well. I hope you keep moving forward. Live for the good times and work through the tough times, remember it all 🙂

  3. dragonmommie says:

    So happy that things seem to be going forward. Thank you so much for sharing your lives with us. Hang in there!

  4. Sarah says:

    Dudette, thanks for sharing your perspective. I’m really glad to hear that you have had some recent moments to cherish, I’m sure there will be more bumps to come… But I got a little teary as you were talking about his trust unfolding and you guys becoming a family. You really are! (And yes, foster parenting has made a TOTAL sap out of me.)

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