Ah fuck it…

These SW’s are bringing the demons out in me.  They seriously are on a mission to see my head split down the middle spontaneously or at the very least see me run into traffic.  Walter has to go see the judge and the BM’s lawyer in the judges in two weeks.  They knew this three weeks ago but kept it from us.  We found out from Walter’s lawyer via mail.  She will now not return our calls.

SW tell us to ask Walter’s therapist to write a letter to the judge saying the meeting would harm Walter.  We ask them to do that and they refuse.  Say they never have or will write a letter like that.  They say they are prepared to deal with the fallout from this happening.  Fine.  I accept that.  Why are the SW’s asking for this if it’s something that isn’t done or common?  I ask them they get pissy say trust me.  I say but you have been dishonest with me and I get rolled eyes and puh-lease looks.

SW then tells me not to tell Walter about court until we are in route to the courthouse.  I balk.  Walter does not like surprises.  I think we should give him a couple of days.  SW basically tells me I’m a babysitter and to do my job and she knows best.  Fuck you doll.  You know shit.  Therapist agree with me by the way.

SW again vaguely questioned whether I could handle the stress of foster-adoption.  I think she is trying to spook me into silence over what she sees as trivial matters.  What’s not a big deal to her unfortunately is a big deal to me and I would at least like to talk about it.  If she’s going to take him from us because I insist we think before we act then fuck it.  I’ll tell him when I’m shoving him through the door to speak with the judge.

Of course the monster under the bed for Dudette and I are we are terrified he will charm the judge and go back to mommy.  We frankly don’t know what that is going to do to us.  I spent the better part of the day crying.  Alone!  Thank god.  Not on the bus again.  Everyone assures us that won’t happen.  By everyone I mean of course the people that just lied to us.

Abide.

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10 Responses to Ah fuck it…

  1. Allison says:

    Deep breaths . . .. BM’s lawyer wants all this to happen. That doesn’t mean that the judge will allow it or be swayed by what he sees. Deep breaths . . ..

  2. thedudedad says:

    Very difficult. Don’t like being misled or told I lack judgement in regards to Walter. I know him better than they ever will. DEEP BREATH…

  3. You will get through this, just take small steps. No surprises, and promise lots of ice cream 🙂

  4. dragonmommie says:

    It’s hard, Dude… it’s terribly hard. All I can say is that I’d never have the courage that you and dudette have to endure these fires.

    I’ll take deep breaths for you, too.

  5. Sarah says:

    I know that terrible, terrible fear and the feeling that you have no control over the fate of this child that you so love. It is awful, but it is worth it, because you KNOW that you are doing right by Walter.

    Trusting and hoping that the judge will see the recommendations of all the responsible adults involved, and see this for the desperate, last-minute ploy that it truly is. This is not uncommon, but that doesn’t make it right… Especially when it comes to your child.

    The right thing will happen here. Deep breaths and abide are the good advice you already have… One day, or one minute at a time.

  6. maimai says:

    I’m so sorry these things are happening to you.
    Big hugs.

  7. Nan says:

    Just a little suggestion although I will deny to the death that I wrote this. Agree with smarmy CW and then do what you feel is best. After all they went to ‘college’ to learn all about kids, so what do you, an ignorant father, know? The fact that most of them dont have kids and that you live with your son 24/7 has nothing to do with their ‘expertise.” If you think that you should explain to Walter beforehand then by all means do it. Just tell him that he is going to meet a judge and the judge will be asking him questions. Dont mention that the judge will ask him if he wants to live with his bm, because that might not happen. And dont do it too soon since kids that age have a poor concept of time. A day or 2 before is a good idea. A note in defense of CWs. They deal with BPs that harm their kids and so are used to ‘knowing-it-all’. Im sure they do know more than most birth parents.

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