Cut me deep…

Kind of a rough one yesterday.  We’ve been telling Walter all week Sunday was “Deep Clean” Day and the whole place was getting decontaminated.  So we tell him to clean his room on Sunday and he loses his shit.  After much arguing and him yelling we all went in to his room and we directed him in what we wanted done.  I realized he didn’t mind cleaning the room.  He just doesn’t want to be alone.  He wants me or the Dudette with him and paying full attention to him at all times.  I know he is bonding but it’s getting a bit suffocating.

So I took him to a skate park yesterday one that’s a drive from the house.  We didn’t take drinks and he of course got thirsty.  I directed him to the drinking fountain and he order me to the corner market to buy him Gatorade.  I again pointed out the fountain.  This is where he got me.  He says to me calmly, “I don’t even want to be with you guys.  You don’t take care of me.”  I’m not too proud to say I lost it a bit.  I simply said, “I feed you and give you a place to live.  That’s taking care of you.  Skate boards, toys and parks are all extra.  Don’t tell me I don’t take care of you.”  He screamed at me that I was being rude.  Which factually true his point was rendered irrelevant by him screaming it.  I walked away and he skated off.  After about 10 minutes I told him we were leaving.  Dropped him off at home with the Dudette and went to a friends house to lay low.  I can honestly say I don’t think I ever been that hurt or dejected in my life.   I hope we can get off the eggshells soon.

Abide.

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10 Responses to Cut me deep…

  1. Just hang in there, just remember its his past talking, you are working on his future 🙂

  2. dragonmommie says:

    After all this, he will be the one to remember these times and also remember that no matter how badly he treated you, that you didn’t give up on him. Hang in there.

    • thedudedad says:

      Thanks guys. I’m normally pretty resilient to these types of comments but for some reason yesterday this one got to me. We are all having a hard time right now. Trying to find a way to be cool with what we got and quit staring at what we all wanted.

  3. Yo, Dude, you are doing such an amazing & loving thing that very few people in this world are willing to take on. I applaud you and will keep you all in my prayers – It will get better. I sense that it will.

  4. burbanmom says:

    Kids say a lot of things without realizing how deeply it hurts others. They are filterless, selfish and often lacking in empathy. It is what differentiates them from (most) grown ups. Take solace in the fact that you are doing your best in a very difficult situation and although he’s too young to comprehend all you do for him – one day he will say “thank you”. In the meantime, I’ll say it for him. Thanks, Mike & Allie, for giving your time, love and attention to a little boy who so desperately needs it. You take very good care of him.

  5. Nan says:

    I think his attitude is a POSITIVE one. I believe he is bonding with you and Dudette and starting to feel guilty about it. The continued visits with BM are very confusing for him, especially if she is telling him negative things about you. There isnt much you can do about it except be patient and TRY to understand. Keep telling him how much you love him and that you understand if he gets angry. As long as she is still in the picture he will hold back and feel disloyal. Im also thinking the more he likes you the more BM will say negative things about you.

    • thedudedad says:

      This visits are monitored by a social worker so if she speaks poorly of us I have not heard it. I still know the visits confuse him. He also told me he thought his last foster home was his forever home so he’s doubling up on the loss here. We are not giving up on him. We get dinged once in awhile but this was never going to be easy.

      • Nan says:

        She is speaking poorly of you, one way or another. Probably just the inflection of her questions or the expression on her face, if a worker is nearby. You cant do much about it, just understand his feelings, which I know you do.

      • thedudedad says:

        Thanks for the support Nan. I very much appreciate it. Did you despise social workers as much as I do or did you find some good ones? They all make me feel like crap for making a big deal out of his situation. I know his is not the worst but that’s no reason to let him suffer.

  6. Nan says:

    I liked MOST of the SW, not at first, but I came to figure them out and most didnt know thing one about raising kids. But they did try to protect kids within their limitations. They have to follow the rules and are very overworked. I showed more than one how to put a kid in a car seat and pretty soon THEY figured out I knew more than them. So from then on we got along.. LOL

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