Why I Hate Social Workers…

Here’s a copy of the letter I sent all the social workers yesterday regarding Walter:

Walter enjoyed his party on Friday but had a meltdown when he got home.  He asked Dudette why his mommy only bought him clothes he didn’t like and then kicked her out of his room.  I sat with him as he cried.  He moaned and sucked on the label to his comforter till he fell asleep.  I just rubbed his back and assured him everything would be ok.  

 Saturday was a good day as we spent the whole day at skate parks.  Mommy may have bought clothes but we bought nothing but toys.  Stupid, noisy toys.  He was really pleased with his gifts from us.  Saturday ended without incident.  Sunday we went to Disneyland.  He had fun but you could tell he was thinking of his Mom.  He was distant with Allie and I and refused to pose for pictures.  We did not give him a hard time and just got them when we could.  Sunday night he melted down and cried himself to sleep again.  He told me, “I want my mommy.”  I just empathized and told him I wish I could make that possible.  He woke up Monday still sad and had another meltdown before school.   

Yesterday at school his teacher told him he has to do all his homework (15-20 pages) from this week and redo last weeks with corrections.  I told him not to worry about it.  We are going to pursue a IEP for him at his school.  We are also going to have a parent/teacher conference to discuss the teachers behavior.  She asked Allie why he can’t get his home work done in front of him and then pointed at one of his classmates and said “Helena gets it done every week,”  I told him to not worry about it I would take care of it.  

He’s been apologizing a lot and he told me last night that he thinks we are always mad at him.  We’ve been pouring on positive reinforcement and bragging about his progress but he’s just having a hard time seeing it right now.  This morning I left for work and he gave Dudette a very hard time.  He was back to yelling, disobedience and name calling.  When he’s very mad he calls her fat and ugly which of course is very hard for her to hear.  

 We are going to introduce a external rewards program for homework completion.  2 pages will get a star.  A set amount of stars will mean a toy or something fun(12 – 15).  If he does 3 pages of homework he will get a extra story before bed or a trip to the skate park before dinner.

 I know everyone at DCFS agreed that it was fine that his Mom brought family to the party.  I heard all of the reasoning.  My issue was he specifically said he wanted it to only be her.  I feel like sometimes no one listens to him and he needs it right now.  We do, but we are powerless too and honestly he is so close to us he doesn’t see it.  

 I’m sorry for the long email.  I just needed you all to appreciate how hard this is for him and get a taste of a what a few days of life is like for him right now.  I thank you all for all that you do.  Please never think that I don’t appreciate your work and how hard your jobs are.  I do.  We can’t wait to give him the permanency he deserves.

The Dude Dad

It’s been 24 hours.  Not one has responded to it.


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14 Responses to Why I Hate Social Workers…

  1. Sorry its been so rough dude. Hopefully it will ease. On emails I send, i cc the supervisor and on important ones, even though she might not read them, I cc the state director. 🙂 kinda makes em hop faster at the county level 😉 Even if you don’t get the email exactly right and it doesn’t really deliver, just include their name in the CC list. its amazing how fast they get when they think their “boss” knows of the situation “wink wink” 🙂

  2. danielle says:

    well written Mike. 🙂 you and allie are doing a great job, from what i read. both of you take care and keep your heads up.

  3. maimai says:

    I’m sorry it’s been so hard… But you guys are doing a great job! You’re such great parents! Hope things will get easier and Walter be your little dude permanently soon!

  4. Nan says:

    I am stunned! I have 2 biological, 4 steps, 4 adopted and had 97 foster kids. I also was a substitute teacher and am currently tutoring 2 1st graders and a 3rd grader. 15 to 20 pages of homework?? That’s 3 or 4 pages a night? That is totally unacceptable and I don’t care if Helena does it. Helena’s mom is giving her the answers or else she is an anal 6 year old. Elementary school SHOULD be a place that kids like to go. It SHOULD have a fun learning environment and NOT be stressful. This teacher is teaching Walter to hate school. Do NOT abide this. Go to the principal, superintendent and school board. Oh wow I need to calm down. I want to go postal on this uh..person. Sorry

    • thedudedad says:

      I put boots to asses yesterday when she finally called me. She told me she hadn’t called because she doesn’t like using her cell phone for “work.” My response was, “Um yeah whatever. About Walter.” I’ll blog about that call. I Hulked out.

  5. dragonmommie says:

    This is the very first post I read on your blog and so, please excuse any assumptions or information that your already know and are on top of. I’m only relaying my experience: Did you send those letters each individually and get a return receipt? I sent a letter to eight people, including school superintendent, principal, teachers and others. I hand delivered them, but at the school, I was told that I could’ve sent one letter and that THEY make sure the individuals receive copies of those letters. My question would be, now how quickly do those teachers get that mail? I was answered by most, but response time had gaps. Some teachers did not get it or see it?, right away. Some I waited over a week to hear from. The key thing is to make sure you get a return receipt in your hand, with signature. I had to deliver by hand because that is pretty expensive…. plus, I got immediate satisfaction and didn’t have to wait to get it back from the post office. Peace.

  6. dragonmommie says:

    Oh… and I can’t believe that much homework… the behavior of the teacher was REALLY inexcusable! I hope they retrain that guy… My son is in the first grade and can’t get more than a couple of pages done before getting antsy…

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