Not pretty but I’ve seen worse… 2/8/12

Well bedtime was 90% good and Little Walter decided to hold his mischief for the final step.  I lied with him for a bit then got up and told him I was going to the restroom and I’d be back to check on him.  This allows me to A.) Go to the restroom and B.) he usually falls asleep before I return because I eat a lot of meat.

This time I’m chilling out and he starts to open the door!  I curl up into the Scrunch of Shame and yell that I’m already in there.  He gets all bent out of shape that I raised my voice and storms back into bowling alley slamming the door.  Now I know we have a no yelling rule in this house that I have broken as well as him, but I pay the rent.  I reserve the right to yell at someone to protect myself at my most vulnerable state.  So I went back into the bedroom and tell him he can go now if he wants.  He says “NO!” I say good night and leave.  He comes out and starts looking for air freshener.  He says he ain’t going in there because it stinks.  I know this isn’t true because I went all turtle head and got stage fright when the door jiggled.  He eventually peed and went to bed alone mad.  Not the best finish but we touched all the bases.  I attribute 90% of his feisty-ness this evening to being tired.

Some questions from cafemom:

How do I deal with the stress?  I’m pretty sure I’m developing a tumor as I type this.  Right now there is not a lot of relaxation going on as we are all adjusting still.  Not to mention all of the hustle that comes with his care.  Visits, counseling and so forth.  My wife and I are a good tag team though and she helps very much.

How do I feel about all my time being taken up by this little boy?  This is has been tough to deal with.  Right now I feel like I give him all my attention then at the end of the day the wifey wants to talk but I’m just too wiped and want to stare at the wall.  Then I yell or snap at her and she leaves me alone, then the cat meows at me and I yell at it.

How it feels when the boy is continually being mean or not bonding, etc?  I don’t take the name calling personally because it’s coming from a place of frustration not real legitimate anger at me. As far as not bonding I feel we are.  The birth mom is a wedge between us right now I feel.  I also feel like he catches himself loving us, enjoying us and being happy and that spurs tantrums and mood changes too.  I always remind myself how much he’s been through and when you think about it you realize it’s a miracle he smiles or takes a spelling test at all.

Hope this answers some of your questions.  🙂


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6 Responses to Not pretty but I’ve seen worse… 2/8/12

  1. aliie says:

    I love you.

  2. burbanmom says:

    First off, Mike, if you’re not going to go back to stand-up, I hope you’ll at least write a book about your experiences. I have added three new catch phrases to my vocabulary from this post alone. 🙂

    Secondly, everything you’re going through is SO NORMAL, not just for adoptive parents but for biological ones as well. We’re all wiped out and stressed and bitchy and wondering what the hell we were thinking when we stopped taking birth control. But the good times, as you know, bring so much joy that it makes it all worthwhile. Also, have I mentioned wine? Wine is good.

    Hang in there, Mike. You’re doing great!

    – Erin

    PS…. You got stage fright because you weren’t properly conditioned. I spent the first three years of my children’s lives pooping and peeing for an audience. I suggest taking a bedpan to work with you and just crapping in your cubicle. Sadly, it won’t take long for you to lose any sense of shame or embarrassment.

    • thedudedad says:

      So your advice is get a bed pan and poop in my cubicle. No offense but I think I’ll ask your sisters for advice from now on. 😉

      You are right to about not being “properly conditioned.” It’s sad that then when the wifey tells me she’s taking him out I immediately think about going to the restroom whether I need to go or not.

  3. Nan says:

    Advice for the ‘turtle’ problem..LOCK THE DOOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    And while you are at it make sure your bedroom door is locked too or you will be surprised one night too.
    Dealing with the stress..dont trying too hard and use more humor to destress. I enjoy your blog and can tell you have a great sense of humor. You have to inject Walter’s behavior with that humor. And you are so right when you sense that he is bonding with you and then acts up because he feels disloyal to BM. It might help to talk around him about how you love your wife and parents and Walter and its SO GREAT to have SO MANY people to love. Help him to realize that he can love you as well as BM.

    • thedudedad says:

      Yeah the door situation in our apartment is a bit sketchy. 🙂 I wasn’t mad at all that he tried to enter just amazed he didn’t remember I was in there after I literally just told him I was going to do my bidness. Of course it was after bedtime so all bets are off. We are still making progress that is all I can ask. Good advice on having so many people to love. We actually touched on that last week but that’s a good bell to ring.

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